The Ego and The Self in Leadership
Do you remember the Beach Boys song “Hang on to Your Ego?” While listening, I was caught up by the celebration of “Hang on to your ego” and seemed to miss “but I know you are going to lose that fight.” The confusion about the Ego arises from its different meanings across psychological theories, particularly in Freudian psychoanalysis, Jungian psychology, Kohut’s theory, and spiritual or self-help contexts. Some view it as a necessary part of identity, while others see it as a source of narcissism and illusion. Freud’s ego comes from the German word “Ich,” which means “I” or “self.” In his model of the psyche, the ego mediates between instinctual drives and moral constraints. It operates on the reality principle, helping individuals navigate the external world while balancing internal drives and social expectations. Carl Jung saw the ego as the center of consciousness, but only one part of the larger Self including consciousness and unconscious elements. According to Jung, the ego must integrate with the unconscious, including the shadow and the Anima/Animus, to achieve individuation. He suggested that the ego should serve the Self and not dominate it. Kohut, similar to Jung, suggested that the Self is the core of identity and the ego is a function of the Self. Many spiritual traditions (Buddhism, Hinduism, and modern self-help work like Eckart Tolle) describe the ego as an illusion or a false sense of self that separates us from a greater unity. In this view, the ego is attached to a fixed identity and self-importance. Ego death (a term also used in psychedelic experiences) refers to a dissolving of this false self, allowing for a greater connection to the universe.
Developing a Balanced Ego for Leadership: A balanced ego is strong yet flexible and provides a clear sense of self without defensiveness, narcissism, or fear of change. Whether in leadership, coaching, or personal development, the goal is to cultivate self-awareness, adaptability, and integration with the deeper Self. The characteristics of the Balanced Ego would be: 1. Self-Aware: Understands personal strengths, weaknesses, and motivations. This can be done with Insights Discovery. 2. Flexible: Open to change and feedback without feeling threatened. 3. Confident and Humble—secure in identity while not needing constant validation. 4.Integrated—Acknowledges the unconscious patterns and strives towards a deeper purpose. 5. Resilient—Doesn’t fragment under a failure or inflate under success.
The leader wants to ask, “Am I leading from an open mind, open heart, open will” with self-awareness or defensiveness? A leader can tap into driver parts of the psyche, such as “do it now” red energy, and teach it to others through mentoring. At the same time, the leader can connect with the opposite energy, green (“do it in harmony”), and connect with others who tend to lead with that energy. This is a challenge, and it starts with self-awareness and flexibility. A leader who leads with yellow energy (“do it together and be out of the box”) can access blue energy (“do it right and slow down” ) and adjust the tone to a more analytical approach during that connection.
The ego isn’t inherently bad. A flexible ego enables action without fear, adaptation to change without identity crisis, and leadership with clarity and authenticity. Ultimately, a healthy ego is a tool, not a master. It works in service of the deeper Self rather than attempting to define the whole Self.
